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> Lame Jokes, just so someone will laugh at them (Or pretend to)
mmi16
post Oct 10 2015, 06:38 PM
Post #341




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Never too old to have a happy childhood!

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Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
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mmi16
post May 7 2017, 12:32 PM
Post #342




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A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$550!” she cried, “$550 just to tell me my duck is dead?!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $550.”


--------------------
Never too old to have a happy childhood!

........................................

Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
Go to the top of the page
 
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mmi16
post Aug 25 2017, 08:24 PM
Post #343




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I said to my wife: "Do you think my addiction to golf is driving a wedge between us?"

My wife threatened to leave me because of my addiction to plants. I asked: "Where is this stemming from?"

I'm always frank with my sexual partners. After all, I don't want them knowing my real name.

My girlfriend and I are experiencing communication problems. Every time I phone her, her husband answers.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.


--------------------
Never too old to have a happy childhood!

........................................

Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
mmi16
post Aug 25 2017, 08:28 PM
Post #344




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Member No.: 13,204





Statistics show that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.


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Never too old to have a happy childhood!

........................................

Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
Go to the top of the page
 
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