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> YOU BE THE JUDGE!, Air your dirty laundry here and we'll clean it up for you!
wingsovernc
post Apr 7 2012, 11:59 AM
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Been thinking about starting this one for awhile...getting tired of my own opinion
(is the world coming to an end? ohmy.gif ) and would like to hear other's for a change.
Perhaps you would too. Post your own scenerio about a job situation or
perhaps there's something with a friend or relative and we will gladly offer
our (totally unbiased) opinions!


I seriously want to know, am I right or am I wrong?

Things are tense between my Mom and I right now. I drove down to spend
the day with her last Saturday, my only weekend off during the month. I had
just completed 7 straight days that ended at midnight Friday night. I took
a load of laundry with me and was needing something clean to wear out
to eat. I thought we could sit and chat while the clothes got done. Her
clothes dryer is the slowest thing imaginable. I got there around 11:00 am
and the clothes were in the dryer by 11:45. At 1:00 pm they're only half
dry and my Mom is beginning her passive/agressive routine of deep sighs,
shifting around in her chair with dramatic looks at her watch, and mumbling
under her breath. Her lunch was being delayed and she wanted me to know
she wasn't happy. I tried to ignore her displays but at 1:30 when I checked
the cloths again they still had a ways to go. I removed everything from the
dryer except what I wanted to wear and set the timer for 15 minutes.
I told her the clothes would be a few minutes more and she gave me "the
look." After a few more sighs she changed the TV channel (it was on The
Food Network) mumbling something under her breath. I asked what she
said and she replied, "I don't want to look at food when I'm so hungry."
For the second time I offered her a piece of string cheese (I carry a few
of these around just in case I get hungry on errands...stops me from
buying a cheeseburger). She said, "I want some REAL food!"
I went and got my clothes out of the dryer (still damp) and begin changing.
I said, "OK...I'll just wear my clothes wet Mother so we can go get
you something to eat...don't want you starving!" She answered with
something I didn't like and that was all that I could handle.
I told her I was going to find a laundrymat and finish drying my clothes
and she needed to go get herself something to ear. Her response was,
"All I said was that I couldn't watch food on TV because I was hungry!"
I said that wasn't true, she had been complaining in her own little way
since I got there. I left with my damp clothes and drove back to my
town and we haven't spoken since. I'll call her tomorrow as I normally do
but I feel I'm in the right here. I'm sure she thinks differently.

What could I have done to avoid this unfortunate turn of events. Was
I in the wrong? Does she have a point? I'd like to hear other opinions
please.


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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mmi16
post Apr 7 2012, 12:38 PM
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For my dos centavos - (and it isn't worth that much)

She is trying to play the guilt game on you - for whatever her reasons are.

I don't play games so I can't fathom what her reasoning may be. Wish I could tell you what to do but interpersonal relationships are not my strength.


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wingsovernc
post Apr 7 2012, 12:52 PM
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QUOTE(mmi16 @ Apr 7 2012, 01:38 PM) *
For my dos centavos - (and it isn't worth that much)

She is trying to play the guilt game on you - for whatever her reasons are.

I don't play games so I can't fathom what her reasoning may be. Wish I could tell you what to do but interpersonal relationships are not my strength.


Thanks for that answer mm! I actually thought people were going to lay me
low for leaving the way I did ("That's your Mom...you didn't show proper
respect!, etc. etc.), and I was prepared to shoulder the guilt if required.
So far...not feeling the guilt too much rolleyes.gif .


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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The Day After To...
post Apr 7 2012, 02:02 PM
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You shouldn't have
"I went and got my clothes out of the dryer (still damp) and begin changing.
I said, "OK...I'll just wear my clothes wet Mother so we can go get
you something to eat...don't want you starving!" She answered with
something I didn't like and that was all that I could handle."

But, you have a point. Try to talk to her about it.(nicely)


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mmi16
post Apr 7 2012, 03:26 PM
Post #5




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I might add that she needs to get her dryer fixed - NO load of clothes in a dryer should take over one hour to dry. It may be the dryer itself not getting hot enough, it may be a clogged vent hose that is preventing it from circulating the hot air being generated properly.


--------------------
Never too old to have a happy childhood!


....................


Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
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jacksonville
post Apr 7 2012, 09:42 PM
Post #6




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QUOTE(wingsovernc @ Apr 7 2012, 12:59 PM) *
Been thinking about starting this one for awhile...getting tired of my own opinion
(is the world coming to an end? ohmy.gif ) and would like to hear other's for a change.
Perhaps you would too. Post your own scenerio about a job situation or
perhaps there's something with a friend or relative and we will gladly offer
our (totally unbiased) opinions!
I seriously want to know, am I right or am I wrong?

Things are tense between my Mom and I right now. I drove down to spend
the day with her last Saturday, my only weekend off during the month. I had
just completed 7 straight days that ended at midnight Friday night. I took
a load of laundry with me and was needing something clean to wear out
to eat. I thought we could sit and chat while the clothes got done. Her
clothes dryer is the slowest thing imaginable. I got there around 11:00 am
and the clothes were in the dryer by 11:45. At 1:00 pm they're only half
dry and my Mom is beginning her passive/agressive routine of deep sighs,
shifting around in her chair with dramatic looks at her watch, and mumbling
under her breath. Her lunch was being delayed and she wanted me to know
she wasn't happy. I tried to ignore her displays but at 1:30 when I checked
the cloths again they still had a ways to go. I removed everything from the
dryer except what I wanted to wear and set the timer for 15 minutes.
I told her the clothes would be a few minutes more and she gave me "the
look." After a few more sighs she changed the TV channel (it was on The
Food Network) mumbling something under her breath. I asked what she
said and she replied, "I don't want to look at food when I'm so hungry."
For the second time I offered her a piece of string cheese (I carry a few
of these around just in case I get hungry on errands...stops me from
buying a cheeseburger). She said, "I want some REAL food!"
I went and got my clothes out of the dryer (still damp) and begin changing.
I said, "OK...I'll just wear my clothes wet Mother so we can go get
you something to eat...don't want you starving!" She answered with
something I didn't like and that was all that I could handle.
I told her I was going to find a laundrymat and finish drying my clothes
and she needed to go get herself something to ear. Her response was,
"All I said was that I couldn't watch food on TV because I was hungry!"
I said that wasn't true, she had been complaining in her own little way
since I got there. I left with my damp clothes and drove back to my
town and we haven't spoken since. I'll call her tomorrow as I normally do
but I feel I'm in the right here. I'm sure she thinks differently.

What could I have done to avoid this unfortunate turn of events. Was
I in the wrong? Does she have a point? I'd like to hear other opinions
please.



There is enough guilt around here for everyone. Old folks get cranky and use passive agressive actions to get their point across. Younger fairys should know better to react on the manner cited. Call up apoligize and she proberly will to. You won't have her forever. That will be 5 cents please.
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wingsovernc
post Apr 7 2012, 11:40 PM
Post #7




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Thanks for the opinions folks, I really, really appreciate each and every one of
them, it was kind of a long read wasn't it? Mother-daughter relationships are
notoriously 'touchy' by nature but we generally get along, as long as we accept
that our temperaments are on opposite ends of the spectrum. She is and
always has been the Queen of passive/aggressive. I, on the other hand tend
to have a few minutes of "overkill" and then I'm done...I've released the
tension of the moment and ready to move on to something else.
I believe we can work it out tomorrow with a little kidding around and laughing
at outselves...that usually lightens the moment and all is forgotten. Anybody
else want to get a few opinions about a situation...noisy neighbors, gossipy
co-workers, everybody has a story to tell and all of us have opinions!
(Or i could just move on to me and my son's girlfriend...another situation
entirely.... rolleyes.gif , but I want to see somebody else's problems!).

This post has been edited by wingsovernc: Apr 7 2012, 11:40 PM


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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idecline
post Apr 8 2012, 03:15 AM
Post #8




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Whatever it was Judge Idee says:

Guilty!


Now he will go back and decide the sentence....


--------------------
Perception is everything

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there". ~ Lewis Carroll


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving" ~ Lao Tzu
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mmi16
post Apr 8 2012, 03:25 AM
Post #9




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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 8 2012, 04:15 AM) *
Whatever it was Judge Idee says:

Guilty!


Now he will go back and decide the sentence....

Time Served!


--------------------
Never too old to have a happy childhood!


....................


Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
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wingsovernc
post Apr 8 2012, 07:10 AM
Post #10




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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 8 2012, 04:15 AM) *
Whatever it was Judge Idee says:

Guilty!


Now he will go back and decide the sentence....


I knew that Judge Idee would deal with me harshly dry.gif . They don't call him

Judge Dread for nothing (Sylvester Stallone had to give up the title when

Idee came around. I just hope he *gulp* lets me live... huh.gif


QUOTE(mmi16 @ Apr 8 2012, 04:25 AM) *
Time Served!



Excellent and very fair and just if I may say so biggrin.gif (and bribing you with

fairy dust didn't hurt either).



--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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idecline
post Apr 8 2012, 07:49 AM
Post #11




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QUOTE(wingsovernc @ Apr 8 2012, 07:10 AM) *
I knew that Judge Idee would deal with me harshly dry.gif . They don't call him

Judge Dread for nothing (Sylvester Stallone had to give up the title when

Idee came around. I just hope he *gulp* lets me live... huh.gif

Excellent and very fair and just if I may say so biggrin.gif (and bribing you with

fairy dust didn't hurt either).


Just what we need in this World is leniency... mad.gif

Idee was only called Judge Dread when he was in his Rastafarian/Reggae mode.....and have more manners than to be gulping in the middle of speaking....especially if you expect to be non-undead...


--------------------
Perception is everything

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there". ~ Lewis Carroll


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving" ~ Lao Tzu
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wingsovernc
post Apr 8 2012, 07:57 AM
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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 8 2012, 08:49 AM) *
Just what we need in this World is leniency... mad.gif

Idee was only called Judge Dread when he was in his Rastafarian/Reggae mode.....and have more manners than to be gulping in the middle of speaking....especially if you expect to be non-undead...


Don't you have a 'situation' you'd like to share idee...? unsure.gif No one lives an ideal
existance and I'd like a chance to get my claws, uh...give it some consideration
and offer my most humble opinion. biggrin.gif


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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idecline
post Apr 8 2012, 08:01 AM
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QUOTE(wingsovernc @ Apr 8 2012, 07:57 AM) *
Don't you have a 'situation' you'd like to share idee...? unsure.gif No one lives an ideal
existance and I'd like a chance to get my claws, uh...give it some consideration
and offer my most humble opinion. biggrin.gif


Soon...i will expound upon my living arrangements for the last while...it will take some writing to explain...


--------------------
Perception is everything

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there". ~ Lewis Carroll


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving" ~ Lao Tzu
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wingsovernc
post Apr 8 2012, 08:09 AM
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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 8 2012, 09:01 AM) *
Soon...i will expound upon my living arrangements for the last while...it will take some writing to explain...


Sounds fascinating! Women love this stuff! Hearing the details of your life and
then giving our opinions on it is almost as good as eating chocolate in bed.
Almost! rolleyes.gif Where's all the women anyway, busy with Easter stuff?


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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idecline
post Apr 9 2012, 05:02 AM
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QUOTE(wingsovernc @ Apr 8 2012, 08:09 AM) *
Sounds fascinating! Women love this stuff! Hearing the details of your life and
then giving our opinions on it is almost as good as eating chocolate in bed.
Almost! rolleyes.gif Where's all the women anyway, busy with Easter stuff?


How would idee know?


--------------------
Perception is everything

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there". ~ Lewis Carroll


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving" ~ Lao Tzu
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wingsovernc
post Apr 9 2012, 07:14 AM
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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 9 2012, 06:02 AM) *
How would idee know?


I thought you could offer your rather prolific opinion on the subject! rolleyes.gif


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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mmi16
post Apr 10 2012, 03:16 AM
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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 8 2012, 09:01 AM) *
Soon...i will expound upon my living arrangements for the last while...it will take some writing to explain...

Still waiting on idee's Pontifications rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif


--------------------
Never too old to have a happy childhood!


....................


Don't put an age limit on your dreams!
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idecline
post Apr 10 2012, 07:44 AM
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QUOTE(mmi16 @ Apr 10 2012, 03:16 AM) *
Still waiting on idee's Pontifications rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif


Alright already...ssshhheeessshhh.....everybody's gotta be a wise guy...


To make things short....idee has been living in Grandparents old house under the Redwoods...idee doesn't own it...older sister does....Mom was staying here until her passing in April 2010...
Well to skip the really juicy parts tongue.gif and cut to the chase...the house has been for sale for over 1 year..it is not selling...price too high for market (sister has a mortgage; which idee is paying half of now) and needs repairs....idee doesn't make enough to pay whole mortgage...sister lost job for 1 yr. and just got new one...
Mainly idee is interrupted by not only Day people but also has to leave or at least wakeup for showings by realtors...sometimes people walk right up to house and try to come in....but it is occupied... mad.gif

Don't people realize that 'For Sale' does not mean 'empty' or 'unoccupied'...idee is wearing thin on his patience and lack of control of the situation...other job has no work right now and idee is stuck between a rock and a hard place..and that's just part of the story


--------------------
Perception is everything

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there". ~ Lewis Carroll


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving" ~ Lao Tzu
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wingsovernc
post Apr 10 2012, 07:53 AM
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QUOTE(idecline @ Apr 10 2012, 08:44 AM) *
Alright already...ssshhheeessshhh.....everybody's gotta be a wise guy...


To make things short....idee has been living in Grandparents old house under the Redwoods...idee doesn't own it...older sister does....Mom was staying here until her passing in April 2010...
Well to skip the really juicy parts tongue.gif and cut to the chase...the house has been for sale for over 1 year..it is not selling...price too high for market (sister has a mortgage; which idee is paying half of now) and needs repairs....idee doesn't make enough to pay whole mortgage...sister lost job for 1 yr. and just got new one...
Mainly idee is interrupted by not only Day people but also has to leave or at least wakeup for showings by realtors...sometimes people walk right up to house and try to come in....but it is occupied... mad.gif

Don't people realize that 'For Sale' does not mean 'empty' or 'unoccupied'...idee is wearing thin on his patience and lack of control of the situation...other job has no work right now and idee is stuck between a rock and a hard place..and that's just part of the story


This will require deep thinking on my part (and several more cups of coffee) but
will offer my opinion by the weekend...lots to expound upon here. And I'm
hoping that while we help solve your problem for you, you'll also fill in some
more details so that we can have the whole picture so to speak... rolleyes.gif .
First order of business...getting rid of those pesky 'walk-ups!' mad.gif
I guess mining the front yard is out? unsure.gif


--------------------













You don't lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose
people masquerading as friends, and you're better for it.


~Mandy Hale
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idecline
post Apr 10 2012, 08:30 AM
Post #20




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From: uncertain
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QUOTE(wingsovernc @ Apr 10 2012, 07:53 AM) *
This will require deep thinking on my part (and several more cups of coffee) but
will offer my opinion by the weekend...lots to expound upon here. And I'm
hoping that while we help solve your problem for you, you'll also fill in some
more details so that we can have the whole picture so to speak... rolleyes.gif .
First order of business...getting rid of those pesky 'walk-ups!' mad.gif
I guess mining the front yard is out? unsure.gif


Luckily we have finally gotten some rain....keeps people away wink.gif ...but February was beautiful and idee was cranky all month...too many lookers and appointments during the Day!

mmi goaded me into a short version of the entire mess but I will dig deeper later....

Meanwhile Back At the Ranch: idee has come to terms with a lot of things in the last 4 years but the pressure is still on...but the only one of us around here who is afraid of 'pressure-cookers' is Beck... tongue.gif


--------------------
Perception is everything

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there". ~ Lewis Carroll


"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving" ~ Lao Tzu
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