Depending upon the outcome of November 6th; we'll either be preparing for the future...or our imminent demise. Hoping for the former, but counting on the latter!! Lock and load!!
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...in front of the monitor!
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29 Dec 2013
Twas the day after Christmas
Twas the day after Christmas and all through the land…people are recovering from eating too much ham.
The presents have been opened and the wrapping fills the trash, the receipts are on the table…to exchange the gifts for cash.
The toys and games and clothes and socks, are lying in pile, while the kids play with the box!
And mama nursing her hangover, and I throwing up, pray for the day these ungrateful heathens grow up.
When on the TV the announcer let out with a wail, “TOMMORROW at the MALL… 5AM…50% off SALE!”
I ran towards my wife as she began to walk out, shouting, “No more shopping for you…our credit cards are maxed out!”
The sun has not yet risen on our quiet little town, when we and the other shoppers headed towards the mall ready to beat the doors down.
When on our way there through my bloodshot eyes could I make out, a state police checkpoint on the main route.
With a big burly trooper standing at attention, I knew I was in trouble…my license was on suspension!
As we inched forward with much trepidation, the trooper directed the cars over and said without hesitation;
“I need to see your license, proof of insurance, and registration”
And every so often we could hear from afar, the trooper say to a driver “we need to search your car.”
As his fellow troopers encircled the vehicle, with guns drawn at their hip, in the hopes that some idiot might give them some lip.
The drug dog kept sniffing as the troopers searched through the junk, while the driver assumed the position across his car trunk.
And then in an instant I heard the police radio go off like a scream “there’s a mob at the mall…all available units to the scene!”
The troopers they scurried to their cruisers all aglow, with sirens wailing to the mall they did go.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I turned to my spouse, and told her in no uncertain terms “we’re heading back to the house!”
With a bootleg-turn I whipped the car around, burning rubber in all four gears as I headed away from town.
My wife was not happy, her look was affright, I knew when we got home there was gonna be a fight.
But I cared not as towards home I did sail, a fight with her was better than going to jail.
So I with sweat rolling all over my face I whipped in to the driveway …let the fight begin.
Her face red with anger, her mouth in a sneer my sweet wife began to rail and curse for all the neighbors to hear.
But I said nothing, with my head hung low, happy that I was not at the mall and saved me some dough.
Occasionally I’d say “yes dear” as my wife continued to rail, content that I had also avoided going to jail.
Then walking in our front door, as my wife continued to sqwak, I turned to my neighbors who were now outside to gawk.
And they heard me exclaim in a voice loud and clear, “mind your own darn business and happy new year!”
NAPPY YEW HEAR everybody!!
20 Jul 2013
Good morning/evening campers...
I have emerged from my "gopher hole"(bunker) after my failed attempt to wrest away the office of El Presidente' from Thing 1 (Barack) and Thing 2 (Mitt) this past November and after much soul searching...and working on my "short game," I am announcing that I will NOT SEEK the office in 2016.
...unless of course a Nigerian Super-tanker full of money happens to wash up upon me...in which case the greedhog will emerge from his hole, full of rage and spit...and wads of $100's in his pockets...and upon seeing his ghastly shadow, a sign that 4 more years of looting and pilaging will continue with reckless fervor, he will announce his intentions to drive the swine (current Washington office-holders and their nefarious underlings ) over the cliff...en mass, sell off all of Washington D.C. and move the remaining vermin, who have pledged their "undying loyalty" to the new "boss" (at a cost $500,000 U.S. dollars...), to a converted trailer park in Arkansas!
Otherwise, this is just brief visit before I am relocated to another portion of the facility (workplace) in a matter of weeks and thus ending nearly 6 years of late nite voyuerism and agitation of you fine people and the Forum at large! I trust everyone is well and growing and going strong and I'll try to pop in from time to time when possible...or at least when the GPS monitor is in "charging mode!"
Good luck...and good lunch!
31 Aug 2012
Since politics and religion are considered “taboo” conversation topics by many folks, your old Uncle Apollo [being the rabble-rouser I am...] figured it’d be good fodder for Maw’s questions of the week. Have fun with these and, as always, play nice with one another. UA
1. What sources do you utilize to inform yourself of the political issues that may/may not affect you?
2. Do you watch political debates, forums, or conventions in order to better choose any candidate for elected office?
3. How often do you vote; every-time, sometimes, rarely, not-at-all.
4. Are you personally involved in local/state/national party politics? If so, at what level?
5. Which do you think will happen first; the end of the current two-party political system, or…Puerto Rico becoming the 51st state?
6. Are you a practitioner, adherent, or devotee, of a particular faith-based religion or movement?
7. How much do you know about the various religious beliefs in the world; very knowledgeable, somewhat knowledgeable, don’t care.
8. Have you ever experienced persecution or ridicule as a result of your beliefs (religious-based or not)?
9. Do you see persons of faith and faith-based institutions becoming more, or less, relevant in American society?
10. Which do you see occurring first; all U.S. religious institutions and churches losing “tax-exempt” status, or… a European nation leaving the EU and embracing a religious theocracy form of governance?
13 Jul 2012
This topic may be wierd to the majority of readers. My city (rural community located in Western Ky, pop.6300) is about to have a special election in August on the issue of allowing the sale of alcohol within the city limits. This will be the 4th time this issue has come for a vote here since 2000.
The "wet" supporters (Mayor and assorted business owners) are approaching this from an economic development standpoint, while the "dry" opponents (Southern Baptists) are utilizing moral arguments for continued prohibition based on Scripture.
If this vote fails again, as has in the 3 previous attempts, the next opportunity to place the issue on the ballot will be in 2015! Meanwhile, in the period since 2000, all of the neighboring counties, except one, have passed similar measures and all were opposed by Southern Baptists!
For those not familiar with the concept of what a "dry" city/county is...it is an area that has prohibited the sale, consumption (in public places), distribution, manufacture of alcoholic beverages within its boundaries; ala the 18th Amendment of the US Constituion. In order for a resident who wishes to comsume or purchase such beverages your options are:
> Join a Private Club...there are 4 here,
> Purchase from a bootlegger...we currently have 2 of those,
> Travel to a neighboring county or city where alcohol is legally sold...of the neighboring 6 counties...only one is "dry" besides ours,
> Make your own (wine, beer, moonshine, etc)
> Go without for fear of being "kicked out" of your church...
> Travel far enough away where no one from your congregation will see you...
Now, here's where the post really begins. Since, 96% of all the counties in the US allow the sale of alcohol in some form or another, AND given that it is resonable for me to assume that most, if not a good many of you, live in one these counties...I have some questions to get your thoughts on:
1. If your home city/county were "dry", would you want it to go "wet" and why?
2. What if the situation were reversed ("wet" now...but wanted to go "dry")...would you support the instituting of alcohol prohibition in your community?
3. Do you think that the 19th century idea of prohibition can be viable in the 21st century?
4. Do you feel that prohibiting an otherwise legal product, prevents or promotes consumption of said product?
Curious to know what y'all think...
25 Apr 2012
From the September 20th, 1999 issue of Autoweek magazine...
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE AT A NASCAR FAN'S FUNERAL:
10. Gasket features GM GOODWRENCH paint scheme.
9. The deceased is referred to as "being out of provisionals."
8. Heart-stirring eulogy delivered by Dr. Jerry Punch.
7. "Amazing Grace" is performed by a 9-year-old girl from Bristol, TN. --who has ALL her teeth!
6. Only 43 cars are allowed in the funeral procession.
5. The Hearse is referred to as the "pace car."
4. Cars in the procession weave back and forth to keep heat in the tires.
3. Cars caught speeding leaving the church/funeral home have to go to the rear of the procession.
2. First-time mourners have a yellow "rookie stripe" on the trunk of their cars.
#1 sign you're at a NASCAR fan's funeral...
NO COOLERS OVER 14 INCHES ALLOWED IN THE CHAPEL!!
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